I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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