I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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