She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
