I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
