not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
