Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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