i would punch a child for taco bell
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Enjoy the penises
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
