I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
