So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
