I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
