i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
