Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
