K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Randomize
