I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
