I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
