im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
