They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
