i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
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I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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