at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
