Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
