There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
