I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
