Christians are straight up FREAKS
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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