Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.