how can u be prego again
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
27 Hairstyles That Always Come With A Matching Personality
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.