Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.