The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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