True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
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She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
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By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.