We're like a lot better than the average bears
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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