After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
