At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
