Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
