Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
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