I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
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