I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
