quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
