Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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