I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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