I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I got inside last night via doggy door
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
