Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
