we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
