I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
