a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
