I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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