all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
