please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
