Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
