An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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