Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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