I must be too annoying 4 u.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
