So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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