i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
