So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
