So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
