We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
