im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
