Dual....:-)
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
