oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
