My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize