Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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