I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
