My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
