Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize