I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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